


"I never loved you, I only loved the idea of you"

by peachybeeb



Series: OTP Prompts [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Jamilton - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Sex, One-sided Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens - Freeform, Past Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Recreational Drug Use, Unrequited Love, do not read this if you're expecting Lams this is very sad for poor boi john, i love john laurens im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 05:16:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16486589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachybeeb/pseuds/peachybeeb
Summary: Alexander is with Thomas, but John Laurens wished it was him.Dialogue prompt: "I never loved you. Just the idea of you."





	"I never loved you, I only loved the idea of you"

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ 
> 
> 1) i don't smoke or condone drug use! to each their own ofc no judgement just not my thing and be safe!   
> 2) going to start doing these dialogue prompts as little warm ups to my bigger AU planned - if you have any suggestions please comment them below or message me! i will write jamilton, kingbury, marliza, laurette and washlee

1\. "I never loved you, just the idea of you" (with an evil twist don't hate me) 

It was one of Thomas' favourite days. Rain showered outside and against the window his bed was pushed up next to, creating unique patterns against the glass. The soothing sounds were mixed with content sighs from his boyfriend, who was draped against his muscled chest. He spared a glance down at Alexander, his face an image of pure bliss as they lay together; basking in the afterglow of another heated round of love making. The smaller man looked completely fucked out, and Thomas loved to see him this way. Less like a coiled up snake ready to strike, relaxed and soft. He loved the venomous, intoxicating passion his partner carried, but to see him like this? It was near heaven. 

"You're hogging the smoke..." husked words were murmured into his darker skin, making him chuckle as he took a drag from the joint between his finger tips before moving to place it between Alex's puckered, plump lips. He let the smoke rise from his mouth as he watched his boyfriend take a drag from it; feeling warmth fluttering in his chest at the way it left the brunette's lips to cascade over his body instead. In a way connecting them, more than just physically. 

A thundering knock at the front door tugged both of them from their little bubble with mutual groans. Alexander merely gave the taller man a shove with his foot, moving to stab the stick into an ashtray above the bed. "There's no way in hell I'm answering that..." grumbled words from the younger man who was currently busy cocooning himself into the blankets. Lazy shit. 

"You're lucky I fucking love you, dickhead..." Thomas muttered, earning a sarcastic kissy-noise from his partner that made his eyes involuntarily roll in fondness. He really was smitten with this long-haired rascal. Snatching a pair of dark plum boxers from the floor, Thomas Jefferson tugged them up long, leans legs before making his way out of the room - after giving his lover's ass a smack, of course, earning a pathetic swat in his general direction that was sadly missed. 

Laughing and shaking his short, curly afro, he finally made it to the front door of Alexander's apartment. He was more impressed with the place than he should be, his boyfriend was only twenty and already had his own place. Small and a bit shabby, of course, but it was all his. Thomas knew when he was that age three years ago, he'd still been scrounging off of his parent's money as he worked his way through college. He'd never been more blessed to have been from a wealthy family when Alexander had explained the hardships he'd experienced in the Caribbean before moving to New York. Thomas had known from this moment that he wanted to give this beautiful man everything. 

He didn't bother with the peephole, hoping it was the food they'd lazily ordered from some greasy chicken joint about half an hour ago. The man didn't have any shame in answering in his boxers, whoever it was would be lucky to be gifted with such a view.

That's why he felt such confusion when he saw none other than John Laurens stood there. Swaying slightly in the doorway and practically sopping wet in freshly rained-on clothes. He could see the slight flush on the younger man's cheeks in the dim light of the night sky, that added with the glare he was sporting as he looked at the older man before him. 

"Jesus Christ, John, you're soaking! Uh, come in, I'll get Alexander..." He moved aside to make way for the younger man to escape the happenings of a storm, trying his best to conceal the disappointment he felt at his arrival. John was Alex's best friend, he'd known him longer than Thomas had. He liked John, because John kept his boyfriend happy, but he'd known from the start that John had absolutely despised him. 

"M'not here for him...don't need to come in," John drunkenly mumbled to the other, clearing his throats and puffing out his chest slightly. Seemingly trying to reach his height which Thomas found slightly amusing, seeing as he had a good ten or twelve inches over the other. He was disturbed out of his musings though as a finger was jabbed roughy into his chest, not hurting in the slightest, but definitely rousing him out of his thoughts. "M'here for you..." 

Thomas sighed, quirking a brow at the now obviously drunk man. Friday nights were for him and Alex, John had plenty of other times to spend with his boyfriend, so why did he have to intrude on the one 'date night' (as Alexander had so adorably called it) they had together? Waving an unimpressed hand at the younger brunette, he gestured for him to continue, now not even bothering to plaster that fake smile any longer as he just wanted to get back and cuddle up with his man. "Go on then, what is it?" 

He watched the other sniff, wiping the wetness off of his face as he was now sheltered from the slight coverage the doorway provided him with. Drops of rain slid off of the ringlets of curls from the man's long hair, tied low in his usual pony tail. Thomas personally thought he should spice it up a bit, but he'd never voice this out loud to the other, he knew he'd take offence to it. He could practically feel the anger bubbling in John, muted by the intoxication as those fierce eyes locked with Jefferson's own. 

"Fuck you." 

Thomas couldn't help the laughter at that, barrelling over slightly at how shocked he was by the childish outburst. Seriously? "John, you're drunk, just come inside and we talk about this when-" 

"No!" Was practically shrieked from the shorter male, making Thomas frown at the shrill echo that pierced his ear drums. The muscular man merely folded his arms instead, giving the other a pointed, tired look as he waited for the rest of his rant. "Fuck you, Jeffershit. You just, you think you can just come in and, and take Alexander?!" 

Ah, so this is what this was about? He already felt fiery retorts constricting his chest, but he inwardly calmed himself down, giving the other a chance to actually speak. He was now more than glad Alexander hadn't answered the door, it would've caused much more of a scene than need be. 

"You're not good for him! He, you just, he needs someone soft and caring because he's heaven. He's perfect and you're, you, you hated each other when you first met!" More accusations tumbled from his partner's best friend, and he felt slightly bad for the other as he watched tears bubbling up; masked with rain. "You know the amount of times I stayed up just, just listening to him go on about you? He deserves everything in the world, not, not some pompous, self righteous douchebag!" 

Thomas was staring back at the other, a smug smile having taken residence on his plump lips as he watched the ordeal unfold. Of course he felt angry at the accusing words that he didn't care about Alexander, that passionate man meant the world to him, but he didn't want John to see how it was affecting him as he merely huffed out a small chuckle in retaliation. 

"Are you quite finished?" 

"No. And another thing-" 

John was instantly shut up as Thomas moved closer, practically towering over him with both his height and confidence; making Laurens feel infinitely smaller despite the liquor that had worked him up to do this. 

"Do you want to know why Alexander chose me and not you?" He hummed, watching John bristle slightly before he continued, not giving the other a chance to respond. "It's because Alex likes the thrill of the chase. He loves excitement and passion, he'd never have a boring moment with me. He likes the bite and the bark of a real man, not some schoolboy like you." Jefferson cast a distasteful glance over John's person, noting the scrawniness of the other. He was a year older than Alexander, and yet he appeared like he was a silly child chasing after a high school crush. 

"He doesn't want some vanilla relationship, he likes the dark, dangerous spice he gets with me. He likes that I'm tall, that I'm muscular, that I'm smart and ruthless and powerful - what are you, John?" It wasn't a genuine question, but he didn't care. He'd bitten his tongue far too much with this kid. Ignored the back handed comments about how Alex could do better, let him interrupt their time, happy to sit to the side as they spoke in animated conversation. He'd had enough now. 

"Do you know why Alexander didn't answer?" He knew he was going too far, could tell from the angry tears that were dripping down John's face. Alex wouldn't forgive him if he found out, but he couldn't stop, the word's tumbling from his lips like a dam that had finally been broken. "It's because he's laying in bed, blissfully naked. Because I just fucked him so good that he can't even walk yet," he grinned at the redness blooming over John's cheeks, making him laugh like a lion that just caught the gazelle. 

"He told me that you two fooled around before, but you know what else he's told me? 'Oh, Tommy! You're so big, so much bigger than anyone else. Never felt this good, oh, I love you...'" he did his best impression of his boyfriend then, feeling warmth blooming in his chest at the satisfaction at finally standing up for himself. It was about time John Laurens got off of his fucking high horse. 

"I...I love him," the other whimpered, stood there looking devastated as if Thomas had just ripped out his heart. He felt a stab in his chest at those words, suddenly feeling the crash of guilt at how pathetic John looked. He should apologise, should just go and fetch Alexander, should just leave and give them time. 

"And he never loved you. Just the idea of you," he spat instead, glaring at John with his dark brown eyes. "He loves me." 

That was the final punch for John, apparently, as he watched the younger man sniff and turn around. Stumbling down the steps and wiping his face as he walked in the rain. It seemed to have sobered him up as his steps were purposeful and stiff as he walked across the street, towards his own house. Jefferson wasn't a monster to just close the door and not see him get in safely, just keeping a slightly pitiful eye as John unlocked his door and slammed it close; a snap of thunder booming in the sky alongside it. 

"Shit..." this was really bad. He felt shadows of dread curling around him as he realised what he'd just done. It wasn't John's fault that he was in love with Alexander, hell, who wouldn't be? And he'd just take a huge 'fuck you' and shoved it in the young man's face. Hell, he was just a kid. He dragged a hand through his hair as he stared at John's house through the heaving rain. Damn, he'd fucked up. 

"You okay, babe?" He physically jumped at the soft, tired voice from behind him, turning to see the almost 'prize' out of that argument. Alexander was draped in nothing but Thomas' plum sweater, too big for him and making him look gorgeous. His wavy hair haloed around him and made him look all the more beautiful, his sharp, shadowed facial hair framing his defined features. And those almost golden eyes. He could stare at the other for years...

"I'm perfect now that you're here," he purred, laughing at the way Alex rolled his eyes but couldn't conceal his smile. He picked up the smaller man then, kissing him deeply as he felt hands curling into his chest. 

"That was cheesy even for you." Hamilton huffed, his hands tangling their way into Jefferson's hair as he gave him a tempting smile. "Come on, I want round two..." 

And as Alexander and Thomas settled down in their bed, another steamy round beginning to unfold; John Laurens settled down alone in his bed, feeling cold and every shade of empty.

**Author's Note:**

> POOR JOHN im so sorry ily. again please comment any prompts you have - i'd especially love to write some kingbury and more jamilton so those are extra requested! but again i'm pretty open to anything (:


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